Sick as a Dog

I friggin hate being sick. Seriously, it is the worst. I can't function; it seems like the only thing I'm willing to get up for is food. (Yeah, I'm not one of those I can't eat when I don't feel well...pass the chips, dude!)
I decided to go home this past weekend because I figured, I don't feel well enough to go out, so what's the point in being here? I drove home at like 10:30 Saturday night (because my rec soccer coach conned me into still playing a soccer game in Buffalo...probably a baaaad choice.) I get home and go to bed. Fantastic.
(Here is the boring stuff but I have to throw it in to transition to the ridiculous part of my weekend...sorry.) Next day I hit up Super Walmart, which really is super. I love it. Anyways, I had to go shopping for the New Orleans trip. Got my stuff, came home, went to bed. Decided against staying another night because for some reason I wanted to risk my life to get back to school.
Before I head back I always visit a friend. I went over there and we hung out or whatever. I decide to leave around 10:30. That's when disaster struck. I somehow managed to drive off the driveway and ended up in a ditch. I had to call my dad to get me out. Now, our way of getting cars unstuck is a little bit genius, but mostly hick-ish. My dad gets me out of there by hitting the back of my car with his truck. Don't laugh, it works!
So after striking my vehicle a few times, we finally get out of there and I made my dad back out of the driveway for me because by this time I have no confidence in my driving skills. After all of this action, I head back to school.
I have a beef though. How come the plowers decided to take a night off last night?! You guys have had like no snow to deal with besides this past month. The roads were horrendous and I thought I was going to die several times. Boo. Now I'm even more sick than I was when I went home. Maybe next time I'll stick around campus.

How to Get a Girl in 10 Days

Okay. I’ve had it. We have tried to clue you in, but it just isn’t working. Boys, you really need to work on your etiquette with the ladies. I mean, come on, do you really think that what you are doing is working? I’ll give you a few rules to live by so we can both breathe a little easier.

First of all, if you are not my boyfriend, you cannot call me “baby.” Last I checked I’m 20 years old. That makes me a grown woman, so how about you treat me like one.

Speaking of how you refer to women, we are not impressed or really all that flattered when you call us “hot.” All that shows us is that you want to get in our pants, not have a meaningful relationship with us which believe it or not, is something we are kind of looking for. If you must compliment our looks, go with pretty or even beautiful, we are more appreciative of that.

Another thing, do not act surprised when I do not know who Payton Manning is. Not all people care about professional sports. I don’t expect you to know what happened last week on Grey’s Anatomy, so don’t expect me to know what team won the Super Bowl. (Besides, we only watch that for the commercials.)

I have two words for you; video games. I know it’s hard to believe, but we don’t really find amusement out of watching you kill people while you play Doom. I know you feel all manly when you play, but honestly, it is boring and quite gross. Plus if you are going to play videogames when we are with you, don’t refuse to let us play. We are trying to cooperate here, so how about you share?

Don’t make yourself too available. We enjoy a little bit of a challenge. Get us interested, and then make us come to you. If we really want to talk to you, we will IM you or call you, so just be patient.

The balance of effort may be hard to achieve because you can’t expect us to do all the work. A good thing to remember is if you say you are going to call, then call. If you make plans with us, don’t cancel, we set aside that time for you. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. When you do make plans with us, try to make them somewhat decent. Burger King is not a date. Taco Bell is also not a date.

Please don’t act like a child, you are an adult. If we take a little extra time getting ready, you don’t have to whine about it. After all, we are trying to make ourselves presentable for you genius, so maybe you could learn to appreciate the effort.

Finally, if you actually rope us in, there are three things you need to remember: Valentine’s Day, our birthday, and most importantly, our anniversary. Forgetting any of these three things may be detrimental to your health. I’m not kidding. We remember every little detail about our relationship, so asking you to remember these three little dates is not asking for much.

Honestly boys, if you take these things into consideration, you might be able to attract yourself a nice girl. It really isn’t that difficult to do, just be a good guy.